Luna is two months old today. She is such a joy to have around and there are so many brilliant things that she has learnt in the past month. To smile, on demand (!) which she does all the time, to parrot sounds that you make and faces you make and the start of a little laugh. She is very clear on what she likes; her bouncy Baby Bjorn chair, the Ergo carrier, being on her front on my knee, the bath and she also knows what she does not like; the Quinny bassinet, milk in the mornings, hats being taken on and off her head and being taken out of the bath! She is still just waking up once at night and starting to be less interested in her morning feeds which is apparently a sign that she doesn't need the night time one. Fingers crossed!
She gave me a real scare last week and we ended up in A&E, all is fine and I am trying not to let it shape the kind of Mother that I am but I won't ever forget the feeling I felt as I tried to get her to breath and it wasn't happening. I wrote the below when I got back from the hospital and the adrenaline had worn off... Scary shit.
We have some Mama friends and their babies to hang out with which I am absolutely loving aswell as yoga and baby massage and lots of walks and coffee; it's a pretty great life this motherhood even though we miss Papa in the week. I keep reminding myself that this newborn phase will pass so fast and not to wish it away. I can't put into words the amount of love I have for her, protecting her and learning the ropes of being a good Mama. This poem does it really well though.
See Luna at one month here.
Luna moon, yesterday I was harping on to the girls about how big you. You are almost twelve pounds and bigger than all the other NCT babies by a whole pound but today when you stopped breathing for what seemed like forever, but was in fact only about ten seconds, I realised how small you really are. Your little red cardigan reminded me of that just now when I put it back in your drawer. All your little organs are so tiny and your breathe is so small and quick and so precious. I realised today how much I love you and how attached we are and how fragile your body really is. To be a mother I thought you had to be tough but I have realised how soft you end up aswell and how easily Mothers cry; the first word, the bumped head all bring tears to our eyes. In the back of the ambulance I don't think I took my eyes off you once and yet you didn't even open your eyes or move much in my arms. I just felt such a powerful draw to protect you and the paramedics' bad jokes landed on deaf ears. You are the most precious thing to us, little moon and you gave me a big shock. Try not to repeat that if you can help it.
A plea from and tough and soft Mother. x